Day Twelve.


The more the time winds down to Jordan finishing his training, people keep asking me, "Are you getting SO excited?!?" Every time without fail I say yes, but I am a little hesitant. Don't get me wrong: I am super excited for all this to be over and to have my husband back. And I probably wont let him leave my sight for a good two weeks. But this whole summer I have tried so hard to keep my emotions buried so deep because the time goes by faster when I don't think about it. So when people ask me if I'm excited, to me it's like they're asking me to release all the feelings I haven't let surface for the last fourteen weeks. I am so dramatic, right? Look at it this way: It's like that thing where missionaries don't tell people when they only have a few weeks left before they go home. If they start talking about it they start to forget why they are there and they start to get really homesick and the time goes by SO slow. If I start to think too much about Jordan coming home I'm going to stop enjoying my time here. I will also stop being able to do anything except look at the calendar.

But through all of this, a man at church today said something so sweet to me. These last few weeks I have really been feeling that empty space that should be filled with Jordan and sometimes I wish I could explain to anyone what it feels like. Then today this wonderful man came up to me at church and asked me how things were going and when Jordan was coming home and then he said to me, "Every time I see you my heart always feels for you because I just see the empty space next to you that should be your husband." Sometimes we just need to feel a little validation for the things we go through and this little statement just made me feel like I'm not going through this unnoticed.


  1. You're writing is so real and I feel your pain. You explained what you're feeling perfectly. I feel like we'd be best friends if we lived in the same city or even state.

    xo, rv

  2. I was the same way when my husband was on his internship. I buried my emotions deep and tried to stay strong. When he did get home it took several months for us to resolve all of those feelings; it was happy, but it was hard. It's difficult and I know what you mean.

  3. What a wise man...totally different from a wise guy.

  4. That was really beautifully said. My fiance and I had to say goodbye today for the next 4 months and I am really nervous and sad about the separation. I am happy to say that your blog has inspired me to try and take that time that I can't be with my best friend to take the time and work on developing my talents and hopefully work out personality flaws. I'm proud of how strong you are in this difficult time. Thank you for your example :)

  5. that it precious...you have to tell me who it was. Was it Brother Quillen? Because that seems like the kind of tender thing he would say.