7.06.2010

i used to be clever with my titles.

I really love cleaning. I just usually save it all for one big cleaning rendezvous. Which usually tends to be when I am upset, or procrastinating homework, or studying.

My last photo project was still life. one man made object and one natural object. My man made object may have made the whole class think I am a freak.
Photobucket Photobucket
Texas is on the horizon of the end of this year. it is scary and exciting and uncomfortable. but images of such keep flooding my mind: decorating new living spaces, starting our family, learning to work with the humidity, taking lots of pictures, getting to know Jordan's family, getting visits from my family, making new friends, and having more adventures with my husband. We aren't meant to stay forever in our comfort zone. this move will be a leap of faith, a new chapter, a new challenge. and it's okay to cry sometimes if things are tough. I learned in my anatomy class in high school that there was no scientific reasoning for crying, my teacher said it couldn't be explained. I think God gave us crying so we have a way to release sadness, fears, insecurities in our tears.

2 comments:

  1. Don't tell me you beheaded that baby doll, dismembered and pummeled it just for a photo shoot. If so... you should definitely wait to have kids.

    PS

    I've been married a month and I'm dyin' here. I see babies at the restaurant all the time and their mothers have to tell me to stop hovering because it makes them nervous. I confided in Jordan and he really helped. He talked about how the most important element of the family is the husband and wife. Even when the children come. Right now it's not just about having time with each other and selfishly enjoying independence, it's about anchoring that husband and wife relationship so that when the babies do come, nothing can tear that unit. Hope that wisdom helps you too. I just have to keep telling myself that when I am tempted to forget my pill.

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  2. wow I was just about to tell you pretty much what Carly said. Shucks. Beat me. This is something Jace and I have talked about a lot, and I have noticed in every sealing. I can't even describe to you how much love you are going to feel for a baby, but your love for your husband must come first. There were days, even weeks I thought Jace and I have finally "arrived". No fighting, no "would you stop clucking like a chicken for the love of pete???", just pure love. But it takes practice. and time. and there is no magic amount of time that will make you 100% ready for kids.
    Me and you talked about how when you get married you learn more about yourself than anything else it seems. I don't have to tell you that you'll learn more when you have kids. And I'm sure more when they become teenagers. Anyways, point is, you have to have a solid understanding of who you are and what your role is. It was such a rough first few weeks trying to figure out where my role ended and Jace's began. I resented him for sleeping peacefully as I fed her, for trying to hold from wetting my pants because she didn't want me to put her down and there was no one to hold her...but then we re-established and life felt normal. All I'm saying is that it's good to have a very solid foundation beforehand. You won't have any trouble loving your child. You may forget how wonderful your husband is sometimes. So fall deeply in love with him now. I am so glad we had that year. But you are not crazy for wanting a baby now. I think it's pretty selfless of you. I wanted the wait. I can't wait for when you do decide it's right.

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